Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
