Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
