i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
