I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
