It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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