You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize