why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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