I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
