There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
