Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
