dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
