He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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