that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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