i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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