i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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