i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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