I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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