I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
