I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
