dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
