Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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