I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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