Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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