if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
