You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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