How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
