yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
