I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
