GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
