New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
