Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if only i could text you this smell
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
