oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
