You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
