sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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