i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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