Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
