the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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