i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize