my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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