What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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