if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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