how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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