Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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