Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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