her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
