i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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