and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
