I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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