The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
