I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
