You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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