Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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