I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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