I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
