We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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