Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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