Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
