My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
