hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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