Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
