i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
