he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
