Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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