i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
