batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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