okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
