his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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