hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
