your parents love me but you hate me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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